top of page
  • imogenmcintyrecoun

Where Can I Get Support for My Poly Relationship?

Updated: May 19, 2023

What is Polyamory?



Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic relationships at the same time. It's a relationship style based on the idea that individuals can love more than one person simultaneously. In polyamorous relationships, three or more people are involved, and everyone must give their informed consent. A polyamorous person is someone who practices this relationship style. They may have multiple partners whom they love and care for equally. Polyamory is not an addition to traditional monogamous relationships but rather a distinct relationship style that requires open communication, honesty, and respect among all parties involved.


There are times when polyamory doesn't work. Even with open communication and mutual respect, some people may find it difficult to manage multiple relationships or feel overwhelmed by jealousy and insecurity. When polyamory goes wrong, it can lead to hurt feelings, broken trust, and damaged relationships. It's important to remember that just like any other relationship style, polyamory has its own set of challenges that require effort from all parties involved to overcome.


Being polyamorous isn't a trait that you're born with or without. Anyone can be poly if they choose to practice this relationship style. However, it's important to note that being poly isn't for everyone; some people prefer monogamy while others prefer other forms of non-monogamy. If you're interested in learning more about polyamory, "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy is considered a seminal book on the topic. It offers insight into how to navigate multiple relationships ethically and responsibly.


Understanding Polyamorous Relationships and Their Unique Challenges


Experiencing love and connection with multiple partners may sound unconventional to some, but for those in polyamorous relationships, it's a way of life. Polyamory involves having multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the consent of all parties involved. While this relationship style can be fulfilling for many individuals, it also comes with unique challenges.

One of the most important aspects of polyamorous relationships is open communication. All partners must be honest about their feelings, desires, and boundaries to ensure that everyone is on the same page. This level of transparency can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the line.


However, even with open communication, polyamorous some people may still experience jealousy and insecurity at times. These emotions are natural and should not be ignored or dismissed. Instead, they should be addressed head-on with compassion and understanding from all parties involved.


Polyamory challenges traditional societal norms surrounding monogamy and can lead to feelings of isolation or discrimination. This can be an additional source of stress for people who choose poly relationships. LGBTQ people may have the feeling that they have to "come out twice" - once in terms of their gender or sexuality, and a second time for their relationship style. Others choose to keep their relationship style private, or only share with trusted friends. Making these choices and navigating polyamory in a world that assumes monogamy are all reasons people seek out poly-affirming counselling.


To navigate the unique challenges that come with polyamory, individuals must have a strong sense of self-awareness and boundaries. This means being aware of one's own needs and limits as well as respecting those of others involved in the relationship(s).


By understanding the experiences of polyamorous individuals, we can break down stereotypes and paint a more accurate picture of this relationship style. It's important to recognize that every polyamorous relationship is different; there is no one-size-fits-all approach.


What Are Common Challenges in Poly Relationships?


Communication issues, jealousy and envy, time management difficulties, and navigating different needs and boundaries are just some of the common challenges that polyamorous relationships face. Life challenges can be overwhelming for any relationship, but with added partners in the mix, it can become even more complicated.


One of the biggest hurdles that poly relationships face is communication issues. With multiple partners involved, it's important to have open and honest communication to ensure everyone is on the same page. This means discussing boundaries, expectations, and feelings regularly. Jealousy and envy are also common emotions experienced in polyamorous relationships. It's natural to feel a sense of possessiveness over your partner(s), but it's important to address these feelings head-on and work through them together. For some people, poly relationships can trigger attachment wounds that require the help of a skilled therapist to move through.


Most of the poly people that I work with cite scheduling as one of their biggest sources of stress. Time management difficulties can also arise when balancing multiple partners' schedules. It's crucial to prioritize quality time with each partner while maintaining a healthy balance between all parties involved. Navigating different needs and boundaries can be challenging as well. Each person may have their own unique set of wants and needs within the relationship dynamic. This requires ongoing communication and compromise from all parties involved.


Despite these challenges, many people find that polyamorous relationships work for them because they offer a level of emotional support that monogamous relationships may not provide. However, there may come a point where a poly relationship ends due to irreconcilable differences or changes in personal preferences. While polyamory can work for some individuals or couples, it may not be suitable for everyone. Ultimately, what makes a relationship "good" or "bad" depends on individual preferences and values.


Addressing Issues of Jealousy and Insecurity in Polyamorous Relationships


Anxiety and insecurity can be common in polyamorous relationships. These feelings may stem from a fear of abandonment or not feeling like enough for your partner. Trauma can also play a role in these emotions, as past experiences can impact how we view ourselves and our relationships.


It's important to communicate openly with partners about feelings of jealousy or insecurity. It's crucial to remember that these emotions are normal and valid, and it's okay to feel them. Practicing self-care techniques such as mindfulness can help manage these emotions and promote a sense of calm in the body.


In addition to practicing self-care, seeking the help of a therapist who is knowledgeable about polyamory can be an excellent tool in navigating complex emotions. A therapist can provide guidance on how to cope with jealousy and insecurity while maintaining healthy relationships with multiple partners.


One way to cope with a polyamorous partner is by focusing on building trust within the relationship. This includes communicating openly, setting boundaries, and being honest about your needs. It's also essential to understand that jealousy is not always a negative emotion but rather an opportunity for growth within the relationship.


Explaining Polyamory to Friends and Family


Polyamory is a relationship style that involves multiple partners, where everyone involved consents to the arrangement. Explaining polyamory to friends and family can be challenging due to societal norms and misconceptions about non-monogamous relationships. However, providing information about polyamory can help people understand the lifestyle and reduce stigma.


When talking with loved ones about polyamory, it's important to approach the conversation with patience and empathy. Understand that they may have concerns or questions, but remain calm and open-minded in your responses. Providing them with information about polyamory resources such as books, articles, or support groups can also be helpful. Your family and friends may be curious, and your willingness to answer questions about your own relationship should be guided by your own boundaries. It may be a good idea to make a list of your boundaries in advance of these conversation so that you can be clear on them going in.


For those who are considering coming out to their parents or loved ones, it's important to take things at your own pace. Some people may need time to process the information before fully understanding or accepting it. Although choosing an alternative relationship structure can feel isolating, it's important to remember that there are communities of people who share similar experiences and can offer support, and you are not alone.


Navigating Boundaries and Agreements in Polyamorous Relationships


Establishing clear boundaries and agreements is crucial for safety in polyamorous relationships. However, navigating these boundaries and agreements can be challenging, especially when dealing with multiple partners. This is where poly counselling sessions come in handy as they provide techniques for effectively managing these relationships.

During counselling sessions, your therapist may provide you with new skills to help regulate the nervous system and return to the window of tolerance, so that you are better able to participate in these discussions both inside and outside of the therapy room.


Scheduling regular appointments with a poly counsellor can aid in maintaining healthy relationships over time. During these appointments, couples can work through any issues that may arise while also exploring their preferences and desires within the relationship.

It's important to note that every individual has different needs when it comes to establishing boundaries and agreements in a polyamorous relationship. A good poly counsellor will take this into consideration and tailor their approach accordingly.


Benefits of Seeking Counselling for Polyamorous Relationships


Polyamorous relationships can be complex and challenging, but seeking counselling for them can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss concerns. Spectra counselling offers specialized support for those in non-monogamous relationships, including polyamory. Here are some benefits of seeking counselling for polyamorous relationships:

  • Counselling can help individuals and their partners navigate the complexities of multiple relationships and communication. It can also facilitate personal growth and self-awareness, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

  • Polyamorous counselling provides a unique opportunity to explore one's own values, beliefs, and boundaries within the context of multiple romantic partnerships. This exploration can lead to greater understanding of oneself and others.

  • In cases where polyamory hurts, such as when jealousy or insecurity arises, counselling can offer tools for managing these emotions in healthy ways. It can also provide strategies for effective communication with partners.

  • Polyamorous individuals may face stigma or discrimination from society at large. Poly-affirming counselling can provide a supportive environment where clients feel understood and validated.


The Role of Poly Counselling in Promoting Healthy, Fulfilling Relationships



Polyamorous relationships can be fulfilling and rewarding, but they also come with their unique set of challenges. Poly counselling plays a crucial role in promoting healthy and fulfilling relationships by providing clients with the necessary tools to navigate these challenges.


Through poly counselling, clients can address issues of jealousy, insecurity, and communication within their relationship. It allows them to explore their emotions, identify triggers that cause conflict, and develop strategies for managing them effectively.

Seeking counselling can help individuals explain polyamory to friends and family who may not understand or accept this type of relationship. It provides a safe space to discuss boundaries and agreements within the relationship so that everyone involved feels heard and respected.


The benefits of seeking counselling for polyamorous relationships are numerous. It provides an opportunity for growth and self-discovery while fostering deeper connections with partners. With the guidance of a skilled therapist, poly folks can build strong foundations for healthy and fulfilling relationships that last a lifetime.

18 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page